


Memories

by Of_Nyon



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Its pain, M/M, Murder ?, Not sure how to tag that, So have fun, Torture ?, Transformers Spark Bonds, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also ss and ko are like friiieeeends, and it hurts, and this is old, by gays for gays, heough, knock out centric, more tags tba
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 10:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 5,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14055237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Nyon/pseuds/Of_Nyon
Summary: Some memories aren't worth remembering, but which are?





	1. Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically a rewrite because i got some ideas and also it’s Pain  
> —————  
> this is an old fic i had lying around for maybe 1-2 years? yah

Knock Out grinned as he landed their ship. His lover, Breakdown, impatiently waited for the ship to finally touch ground. Starscream had sent a message to the other Decepticons, saying that they were in need of a medic. Of course, Knock Out had jumped at the offer. He was glad that he could convince Breakdown to go with him, as he would need an assistant if he was to be Megatron's medic.

That, and Breakdown sure knows his techniques with that buffer.

The ship finally landed, and Breakdown eagerly opened the door to touch the soil beneath him.

"This planet is..." Breakdown started, looking around. Knock Out had landed in a small clearing, but even then they were densely surrounded by tall trees and grass. The leaves were falling from the trees, all of them were different shades of green, yellow, orange, and red. The ground was littered with the leaves, and the crunching sound when stepped on was... oddly satisfying.

"...Very organic..." Knock Out finished, peeking his head out from the door. He wasn't very sure if he'd like it here. All this dirt would be annoying to clean out and all these little branches from the trees would mess up his paint job.

Breakdown looked back at Knock Out before letting out a deep, hearty laugh.

"Oh _c'mon_ ," He started, walking back towards their ship. "Lighten up! We won't be here for long. We just gotta send Starscream a message that we made it and he'll probably send a bridge to pick us up."

Knock Out ex-vented. "We _are_ grounders," Breakdown added, and Knock Out finally grinned.

"You're right, you're right," he said, holding his hands up in defense. "But, I can tell that you like it here, so I'll give you some time before I send the message."

Immediately, Breakdown transformed and rode off to Primus knows where. Knock Out could only hear his hefty laughter from wherever he was, and he was glad that he had decided to bring his lover with him.


	2. Missing

Knock Out paced back and forth, deep in thought from the eyes of any other decepticon. He hadn't sat down and fully relaxed in _hours_. Breakdown had gone missing, and Starscream knew the medic was terribly worried. Neither of them were sure of what to do. Megatron didn't care about Breakdown enough to send even a small team to go look for him, and that _infuriated_ Knock Out. He must be an amazing actor because Starscream never knew until he told him.

" _I can't do this!_ " Knock Out cried out and finally stopped pacing. Starscream wasn't sure if he should be glad about that or not.

Knock Out sat down again, and covered his face with his hands, letting out uneven vents through his digits. His leg bounced anxiously, and Starscream felt terrible that there was nothing he could do to calm his dear friend's worries.

A bit of time passed like this. It had been a rather quiet day as the Autobots were doing something that happened to not intervene with Megatron's plans. Both Knockout and Starscream were free for the time being, and both were glad for this.

"...Knock Out," Starscream said, breaking the silence between the two. Said medic looked up from his hands solemnly. Starscream ex-vented, but continued. "I will go looking for Breakdown, with my armada."

"...Won't you get in trouble with Big M?" Knock Out asked. Starscream could hear the static in his voice and winced. This was definitely taking a toll on the medic.

"Only if he knows," the seeker responded, and Knock Out let his hands fall onto his lap as he nodded.

"Please..." Knock Out whispered, unable to talk any louder without letting lose tears. "Please find him soon..."


	3. Found

Breakdown was found. Starscream was able to find Breakdown and Knock Out was _crying_.

Knock Out's comm had gone off, and when he answered, Starscream had told the medic that his assistant had been found. When their call ended, Knock Out ran from his hab suite all the way to the ground bridge.

The medic paused just a corridor away and wiped his tears away to the best of his abilities. He was much to excited to care about his appearance for once, but he still wanted to make himself look presentable for his partner. 

As soon as he was finished, Knock Out jogged down the last corridor before turning left. The doors opened to reveal an open bridge, and walking out of it were Starscream and Breakdown right before him.

Knock Out was ready to rush to his partner's side, but quickly glanced over at Soundwave, who was operating the bridge, as if asking for permission. When Soundwave nodded, Knock Out practically ran to Breakdown, hugging him and keeping him close, but still being mindful of his wounds.

They hugged for what felt like hours. Soundwave had decided to leave in order to give them privacy. Starscream stayed and watched them, happy he could've done something for his friend.

When the two finally let go, Knock Out looked Breakdown over, and examined all his wounds. He stopped when he heard Breakdown chuckle and looked up, but froze at what he finally noticed.

"...You missed the biggest one, doc," Breakdown grinned painfully, blinking his left eye. His right eye was torn out of his face, the metal around it bent and broken unnaturally. His socket and the circuits inside were showing completely. Even _Starscream_ could tell that it was incredibly sensitive material now and most likely already rusting.

Knock Out couldn't form words. He felt so many emotions in that moment. Shock, anger, fear, sadness, pain. He could only gently stroke his partner's face, his delicate touch sending shivers down Breakdown's spine.

"...Who did this to you...?" Knock Out finally asked, looking at Breakdown's single eye. The mech only slumped, a topic he didn't want to talk about just yet. Knock Out understood the message right away, and immediately held onto Breakdown'S arm, leading him to the medibay so he could start repairing his partner.

Starscream decided not to follow, knowing how serious the medic was with infections and rust. He wasn't worried about Knock Out or Breakdown's well being anymore, but there was something else that was bothering him. He wasn't sure what would happen after this, and he wished he didn't have to find out...


	4. Hard Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap starts off a little Sexy™️ but it’s not the most explicit thing ever

Knock Out closed his eyes, ex-venting when he felt his berth sink as Breakdown climbed in. When he was close enough, Knock Out pulled his partner close to him so they could cuddle.

Tonight was one of those rare days where they could actually spend the night together, and in berth, so Knock Out was going to make it last. It looked like Breakdown had the same plans as they didn't let go of each other the entire time.

It had been so long since they could hug and cuddle like this. Being at war didn't help that at all. Still, they found ways to sneak affection to each other. But now wasn't about secrets and hiding. Now was a time to be open to each other and appreciate each other's company.

After they shared a couple of kisses, Knock Out grew warm, and Breakdown already knew what the small red medic wanted. Knock Out turned to face his partner and kissed him, letting his hands wander. Breakdown smile into the kiss and let his own hands touch all of Knock Out's frame, earning himself a small moan.

They savoured each other's taste, each other's touches. Breakdown easily lifted Knock Out onto his lap, his hands traveling south, until Knock Out stopped him.

Confused, Breakdown looked up at Knock Out with his single eye. "Is something wrong?" Knock Out shook his head, and took a deep vent.

"Let's merge?" Knock Out asked. and Breakdown's eye ridges lifted. "Are you sure?" he asked. Knock Out nodded, moving his hands over his chassis to cover the transforming seams, and a soft blue glow emerged from between his digits.

"I'm certain."

Breakdown smiled and leaned down to kiss Knock Out, allowing his chassis to open and reveal his own spark. Without breaking their kiss, he leaned in close to allow their chests to touch, and the kibble started transforming once more, connecting Knock Out and Breakdown's chassis into one. Once it finished, faint blue light of their sparks was completely covered.

They sat there, kissing and taking deep vents as what they felt was indescribable. So much was being shared between them, it was difficult to distinguish what wasn't being shared.

Much too soon for the both of them, Knock Out's body started trembling, becoming overwhelmed under this unique power surge. Breakdown was the one that broke the kiss at last, and he was also the one to manually undo their connection, as slowly as he had to do it so neither of them suffered through any unwanted consequences.

One Knock Out's spark lay comfortably inside his chassis, he leaned against Breakdown to clear up his spinning processor. As short as that had been, it had been incredibly overwhelming in a good way, and he only wanted to keep doing it. Thankfully, Breakdown was there to make sure he didn't fry his circuits in an attempt to simply make himself feel good.

Breakdown lifted Knock Out again, this time gently putting him down next to him. Both shifted around on their berth, getting comfortable for sleep. Neither realized it up until that point, but the spark merge had really drained them both. It really did take all their energy to be able to do this.

Nonetheless, they were done for now, and they were ready to recharge.

When both finally slipped into unconsciousness, Breakdown only dreamed of a vast, green plain, almost completely empty. He and Knock Out were there, enjoying the simple view in front of them. There was no war, there wasn't anyone to give and take commands, there was nothing to worry about. It was a simple, innocent, and short dream.

Knock Out didn't have the same luck. His dreams were vivid nightmares. He dreamt of the day he'd lose Breakdown. He held him, spilt energon everywhere. He had screamed his name over and over, and he barely got a reaction. He couldn't stop the energon from leaking. No one was there to help him. They were abandoned. Knock Out himself had his own injuries, but all he could focus on was Breakdown and the fact that he was losing him.

Knock Out sat up abruptly, venting heavily and waking Breakdown. Immediately Breakdown embraced Knock Out, rocking him back and forth and hoping that the rhythm would calm his partner down.

Knock Out desperately grasped at Breakdown's arms, hugging back the best he could from their awkward angle. It took a while, but his venting was finally at a normal pace again. They sat like that for a while longer until Knock Out gathered the courage to ask something.

"Breakdown?" Knockout said without pulling away. Breakdown hummed to signify that he had his attention. "Do you think... you could sing something for me?"

Breakdown sung a lot, and, despite being a wrecker, he was very good at singing. As often as he sang, though, not many people could witness it. Knock Out was one of the very few.

Smiling down at Knock Out, who had now pulled away to lie down, Breakdown cleared his throat and began singing.

He picked a sweet and old Velocitronian melody, and the very first thing Knock Out had heard Breakdown sing. It was soft and soothing, traits Breakdown couldn't otherwise possess in the Nemesis.

If Knock Out hadn't felt sleepy earlier, he sure did now. Especially after long awaited spark merging followed by an unwanted nightmare.

Before long, Knock Out felt at ease. His hand had found and interlaced with Breakdown's, and he felt safe lying there with him. It was a nice feeling.

And with the final verse of the song, Knock Out slipped back into recharge. This time, he didn't dream about anything.


	5. Pain

Knock Out passed by Breakdown, nodded, and hurried on his way to Megatron. He had been called up; he had another mission to do, and Megatron still didn't trust Starscream for something this important.

But Knock Out's mind was elsewhere. When he had passed by Breakdown, he only stared at his eye patch, and clenched his hands into fists. It was still hard, seeing Breakdown the way he was. It was still hard that the only thing he could do was give him an eye patch. He tried his best to give it a Breakdown feeling to it, but it hurt.

He could've done something to stop this entire ordeal from happening. He wasn't sure what but he knew there was something he could've done.

Maybe bringing Breakdown with him wasn't the best idea.


	6. Apart

Megatron found out. He knew about Knock Out and Breakdown, and the intimacy they shared together. He had thought that the medic and his assistant sharing berthrooms together was a tad bit suspicious, but now it made sense.

It wasn't something he was going to allow. Romance was a weakness that the Autobots could used to their advantage, and he was not about to let two love birds ruin the entire plan. Not again.

Breakdown and Knock Out couldn't share a berthroom anymore. Their relationship was to be kept strictly professional, and the only time they really spent any time together was in the medbay. They were always accompanied by Soundwave or some other Decepticon that happened to get injured, or even Starscream, which they didn't mind until they found out that Megatron was forcing him to tell on them.

Knock Out took street racing with the humans as a means to take his mind off of things. Normally he'd talk it out with Breakdown, but that no longer was an option.

Racing was... fun. It let Knock Out clear his mind and focus on the turns and his speed. The wind passing by felt nice. The blurred lights were nice to watch as they zoomed by. It helped clear his mind.

He won the race. Just like every other race. The humans congratulated him, but he didn't really care anymore. It stopped feeling good after the 20th win.


	7. Please

" _I'm going to kill her!_ " Knock Out yelled as loud as he could, blinded by rage. Starscream and another vehicon could barely hold him back from storming into Megatron and saying or doing Primus knows what.

_"The next time I see her, she is dead! Do you hear me?!"_

Megatron was annoyed. Actually, that was an understatement. But, he couldn't really do much unless he wanted to fire his only medic. Maybe if he let his medic run off like this he'd burn himself out later.

Of course it took the entire day for him to finally burn out. Starscream had convinced him to go back to his lab, and there all he did was smash his vials and drop everything and spill liquids everywhere. He couldn't work like this. Not while he was riled up anyway. But now he was calm enough so that even Starscream could talk to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Starscream asked, keeping his distance in case something set off Knock Out and he became violent.

Knock Out only nodded and pulled up a chair, sat down and propped his head up with his hand, unsure where to even begin.

Starscream pulled up a spare chair and sat down, closer to Knock Out that that it seemed that he wouldn't flip out and unpredictably attack him.

The seeker patiently waited for his friend to gather the correct words. He knew how hard things like this were, and he _was going to support Knock Out._

Knock Out finally looked up, and Starscream straightened his back. Knock Out ex-vented shakily before finally saying,

"Airachnid hurt Breakdown and _Megatron won't let me see him_."


	8. Fear

Knock Out didn't trust Airachnid. Not one bit. He was glad that Starscream shared the same feelings. They often talked and joked about her.

But, today wasn't the best day for jokes. Neither trusted Airachnid, and yet Breakdown was in her squad. Sweet, loveable, yet easily angered Breakdown was near Airachnid, a dangerous Decepticon that only cared about herself.

Knock Out wouldn't forgive her or himself if something bad happened to Breakdown.

"I'm worried, Screamer," Knock Out said, putting down the glass vial he was toying with. Starscream was in his lab, as they spent most of their time nowadays. He looked up at the medic, ready to ask when it clicked, and only hummed understandingly.

"With the way she is," Knock Out continued. "And the way Breakdown can be very hot-tempered.... She's going to provoke him, I know it. And he's going to get angry and try to attack her... And it won't end well."

Starscream didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say.

They stayed in the silence like that for a while. Knock Out picked his vial back up and continued adding chemicals and liquids to it. Starscream only listened to the harsh hisses of the medic's experiment, unsure of what to do or say.

Knock Out put down the vial again, and waited for the bubbles that had formed to reduce. Megatron had more or less forbidden him from racing with the humans, so now all he could do was stay in his lab cooped up and talk to Starscream when he came to visit.

Today was terribly unpleasant. Maybe bringing Breakdown had been a mistake after all.


	9. Why This

Megatron finally let him see Breakdown.

It wasn't what he expected at all.

Megatron had told him that Airachnid had only _hurt_ him. But, honestly, Knockout should have known that it would've been worse. After all, he is the Decepticon's only medic.

When Knock Out entered the room, he rushed in, eager to see how Breakdown was doing. After about a week, Megatron finally let him in, and he was glad. He was so very happy to finally see his assistant, his partner, _his lover again._

...But he wasn't there.

Confused, Knock Out looked all over the medibay, glanced at every table and every bed. He wanted so badly to check the back, and maybe even check the lab to see if he was there. _Primus knows_ what he'd be doing there, but he still wanted to check.

But there was no reason to search if Megatron himself had been keeping Breakdown hidden on purpose.

Straightening himself up, Knock Out turned back to face Megatron, who had accompanied him. "Wh... Where is he, Lord Megatron?"

Megatron only scoffed, but kepted his voice level and void of emotion as he responded, "According to Dreadwing, when I had sent him and Breakdown to _dispose_ of Airachnid, she had provoked him into fighting."

Knock Out already knew where this was going, his eyes widening in horror. "No..."

Megatron continued, ignoring Knock Out's distress. "Breakdown attacked Airachnid—"

_"No!"_

"— _however_ , Dreadwing was caught in her webs, and couldn't confirm what happened to him after he managed to escape and come back."

Knock Out couldn't help but lean against the wall, taking deep vents. He didn't want to assume the worst, he shouldn't. He didn't want to think of what could have possibly happened, but he wanted so, so badly to know if his future conjunx was still alive.

"Um..." Knock Out took one final deep vent before straightening his spinal once more. "Is his life signal still... still active?"

Megatron raised an eye ridge. "We have too many aboard this ship to be able to count each and every single one and keep tabs on their life signals."

Knock Out looked down, feeling silly that he thought Megatron could care about someone like Breakdown. He didn't want to think about _anything_ anymore until he was certain Breakdown was alive.

"Thank you for your time, Lord Megatron." He stated simply, bowing slightly before turning around to face the empty medibay.

_Bringing Breakdown with me was a mistake._


	10. Fast

Everything passed by so fast. Knock Out was beginning to lose track of time. He just kept up his façade, hoping that he could somehow convince himself.

He wasn't even sure what he wanted to convince himself of. That Breakdown was still alive? That he was just overreacting? That everything was and will be fine?

There was no point.


	11. Return

Breakdown.

No.

Silas.

Knock Out knew right from the beginning that it wasn't Breakdown. His lover didn't act like this. He had spent too much time around him to know what his own partner was like.

Silas lay inside of Breakdown, but he wasn't there anymore. That wasn't Breakdown. That was a monster. A freak of a science experiment gone wrong.

When he first saw him, it was through a hallway. Silas had been talking to Megatron about an offer, and Knock Out had been on his way to report to their lord.

Immediately spotting Breakdown, he froze in place. That couldn't have been Breakdown. His optics must have been playing tricks on him. No one knew where Breakdown had gone, or where he had been taken. Seeing him standing there and idly make a negotiation with Megatron was beyond absurd.

Knock Out couldn't handle this. After countless nights drunk on engex, drowning his emotions whilst hoping his soon-to-be conjunx endura was still alive, this was too much.

He returned to what used to be their berthroom, unsure of where else he could have gone, and let the tears roll down his face once more.


	12. Dead End

And now Lord Megatron didn't need Silas anymore. Whatever their deal was hadn't been of use to Megatron. And, of course, Megatron called in Knock Out to do whatever he pleased with him.

Oh how he was _ready_ for this to come.


	13. Destroy

Screams.

More screaming.

He kept on screaming.

But all of this was music to Knock Out's audials.

Ah, the sweet pleasure of torturing this unforgiving monster of science. Truly something Knock Out had wanted since he had been told of what Silas did to Breakdown's body.

"Hmm, normally for this kind of surgery, I have to turn off your _pain receptors_ ," Knock Out murmured in thought, looking down at his work in Silas's chassis. "But! Since Megatron so kindly let me know of all the awful and brutal things you and your little human group have done, as well as what you did to my partner's body, I thought I could help you take some of your own _medicine_."

He let his claws dig deep into the wound he created, and that bloodcurdling scream was absolute _bliss_.

Finally.

Revenge felt so good. Tasted so sweet.

...But why was he still so _empty_?


	14. Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new POV? sorta?

Starscream opened the door to Knock Out's berthroom. He ex-vented when he saw the red con lying on his berth, a number of empty cubes scattered all over the floor and his berth as well as dirty cloths covered in lubricant.

He should really take better care of himself, but Starscream couldn't blame him. After what happened to his partner... after what he had to do to the abomination that Silas turned his lover's corpse into...

Starscream didn't know how to help his friend cope with his loss. It's not like he hadn't been through it, but he didn't even remember much of his own trine to feel something strong, and the soldiers they lost were never close to him. He liked to see them as just soldiers willing to sacrifice anything for their cause.

He couldn't bring himself to care much. He didn't want to, seeing how Knock Out was dealing with his loss.

Knock Out was out cold. He hadn't stirred at all when Starscream had walked in. He sent a message through their comm link right before coming over, and that hadn't woken up the doctor.

Starscream wasn't sure what to do to help.


	15. Leader

Megatron didn't care. He didn't care at all. There was no point for him being here. He was useless without his partner.

...His lover.

Knock Out drank all of the engex he could find. There was nothing else he could do to numb the pain.


	16. Vague

Hah, how funny. Starscream actually came to visit him. Visit him. Starscream never did that. How weird.

What a weird mech Starscream was. Well, he was a flyer, and Knock Out was a grounder.

But, as Starscream opened his mouth and started talking, Knock Out didn't understand anything of what he was saying. It probably had to do with the amount of engex he consumed. Not that he cared. He was tired.

Starscream stopped talking. Oh good. Less noise.

Starscream turned his back. Of course he'd leave. There's no point in staying with Knockout if he didn't talk back.

How fun.

...This wasn't what Knock Out wanted. Not at all.

He missed Breakdown so much. He was the only mech Knock Out trusted in, the only mech he had ever been able to see himself spending the rest of his life with, the only mech that really, truly mattered to him.

This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair at all.

...Knock Out only wanted to go back home.

He left the tears finally fall again.


	17. Replacement

Shockwave lived.

It was news that had shocked everyone, especially Starscream. But no matter. Shockwave lived and could provide intel to the Decepticons once more. Megatron absolutely believed he could do wonders to bringing this group towards victory.

Knock Out saw it... differently.

And much more selfishly.

Up until then, Knock Out had been the Decepticon's scientist, working on various projects like the synthetic energon, produced by Ratchet which he'd managed to steal a sample of. However, with Shockwave added to the team, and with him specifically specializing in this field, Knock Out was as good as the disposable engex cubes still lying his his berthroom.

Shockwave had the basic knowledge of surgery, especially because of the field he'd chosen to work in. Knock Out was mainly a surgeon, not entirely a medical one, but he could get the job done.

With Shockwave, that job was easily transferable to him, leaving Knock Out with no real purpose.

Really, at this point, he was just a glorified and shiny red Vehicon.

How delightful.

Starscream hadn't thought Knock Out capable of drinking any more than he already was, but he was proved utterly wrong as he watched their supplies in engex drop drastically.

That mech had a death wish...


	18. News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> different POV sort of? ye

"Hey... Breakdown...?"

"I miss you..."

"I hope I'll get to see you again..."

"...M-maybe... in the afterlife or... or in the next life or... whatever comes after death..."

"I'll find you... or you'll find me, haha..."

"...I dunno, Breaky, I just... wanna see you again..."

"..."

"Haha... actually... Breaky? There's something... I need to tell you..."

"Remember when we merged sparks? That was incredible... _felt_ incredible..."

"I... Well... After you... left... I did my regular check-up and... I found out something incredible..."

"I'm sparked, Breaky... I'm gonna be a carrier..."

"Of-of... _you’re sparklings_...”

"..."

"I wish they could've met you..."

"..."

"Oh Primus, what have I done? I... I could have _killed_ them if I'd drank any more... I don't want to kill sparklings, Breaky, especially _yours_..."

"... I'm so sorry... I won’t drink anymore... I-I _can't_ drink anymore... I can't do that to them..."

"They'll be so weak..."

"...I can't stay in the Decepticons... I dunno what Megatron'll do if he finds out..."

"I dunno, Breaky..."

"I... I dunno what to do..."

"..."


	19. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was one of my favourite chapters to write,,, bless

"You're _what?!"_

Knock Out scrambled to manually close the door behind him. "Please stay quiet, Starscream! I can _not_ have Soundwave hearing this and letting our dear lord _Megatron_ know!" Punching the code in to lock his hab suite's door, he turned around to face his commanding officer.

"I am well aware, _Knock Out_ , but do you have _any idea_ what you have been doing to yourself for so long already?!" Starscream pointed an accusing claw towards Knock Out, disbelief filling his voice. "You could've hurt the sparklings!!"

"I know, _I know_ dammit! Don't you think I regret that? I can fragging feel the damn things moving in my chest whenever I start fueling!"

Starscream inhaled and cover his face with his servo. "I can't believe this."

"You know what, Screamer?" Knock Out asked, crossing his arms. "Me neither."

They both stood there in silence for a while, letting Starscream process this new information.

After what felt like the longest time, Starscream looked down at Knock Out. "...What will you be doing now?"

Knock Out wished he hadn't asked that. He briefly looked away, gathering his thoughts and choosing his words carefully, before turning back to face Starscream. It was either now or never.

"...You're not gonna like it, and neither will anyone on this ship to be honest. I want to leave the Decepticons."

" _What?!_ " Starscream shrieked, and at this point Knock Out couldn't help but feel nothing but irritation. His name really did suit his commanding officer.

" _Starscream! Please!_ You act as if that isn't the most logical thing to do in this situation!"

"Damn it, Knock Out, I am no expert when it comes to sparklings! I don't know what the right or wrong thing would be to do _in this situation!"_

" _Primus_ you are _hopeless!"_

"Says the sparked mech that has been drinking for _months_ now!"

Knock Out could only glare, but he couldn't make himself stay mad. Starscream was right, as much as he hated admitting it even to himself. Drinking even more engex would definitely hurt the sparklings, possibly kill them, and he didn't want that.

He didn't want to lose the last thing he had of Breakdown.

Starscream shifted in his stance, and his wings twitched. Knock Out focused back on Starscream, who looked like he had a lot on his mind, before the flyer finally opened his mouth to speak.

"...I will help you off the ship."

Knock Out blinked. He scanned and rebooted his audials.

"...Come again?"

Starscream scoffed, though he looked away. "Please. You're acting surprised."

Knock Out quickly defragged his audials, processing that Starscream did in fact offer help on his own. "Yes, well, that wasn't exactly what I had been expecting to hear."

"Believe it or not, you are... what I would consider closest to a friend..." he still refused to look at Knock Out, making the smaller mech believe Starscream even more.

"...Really?"

"Don't dwell on it too much." Starscream snapped, finally turning to face Knock Out again, a small tint of blue below his optics that hadn't been there before. "I will help you if you need it."

"Are you sure? What if you get caught? You've already been through enough with Megatron."

"Then that is a problem for the future."

Knock Out looked down at their pedes, unsure what to say. He's never seen Starscream _this_ sincere about anything. Maybe... they truly were friends?

Knock Out smiled at the thought. Besides Breakdown, he's never really had genuine friends. As weird as it was to think about, it'd be nice to call Starscream his friend.

Knock Out looked back up at Starscream and said, "...Thank you, Starscream... for sticking with me this entire time..."

Starscream's optics widened, clearly not expecting that from Knock Out, who only smirked in slightly entertainment. Starscream was never good at dealing with genuine gratitude.

Starscream awkwardly rubbed his arm, slouching forward and nearly matching Knock Out's height."...You're welcome..."

Quickly he stood back up straight, lowering his arm just as fast, and looking above Knock Out's helm. "Alright! Let's start planning on how you will be leaving the Nemesis."

Knock Out smiled, subconsciously resting his hand over his chassis, right where his spark lay. "Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAND this is as far as i got!!
> 
> i’ll be honest, i don’t kno if i’ll pick it back up. the next chapter has been sitting in my drafts, not even halfway done, for almost a year now. fkfkfkfk
> 
> thanks for reading this far  
> tho! and thank u for suffering thru some unbeta’d, probably  
> messed up english grammar, and pain 0:


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